


My Answer

by sunshinesung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, EXO song mentioned, M/M, Post-Break Up, Resolved ending, Sad, but actually not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 23:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19037275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinesung/pseuds/sunshinesung
Summary: As Hyunjin looked at the small crowd, he took a moment to think about the time Jisung had helped him write those meaningful lyrics back in high school. He remembered all of the times they would stay after school in that stuffy music room to write song after song. He also remembered all of the stupid fights they would have in there and how stubborn they could both be. Suddenly, it became much too overwhelming for him to look back on those days...





	My Answer

**Author's Note:**

> The song referenced in this work is ‘My Answer’ (hint hint at title) by EXO. No, Jisung and Hyunjin did not write it :P forgive me.

Jisung turned around in his seat as he heard the familiar piano tune fill the room. His eyes had instantly landed on Hyunjin who was sat in the middle of the stage on a small wooden stool. It had been almost two years since he had seen him, but he still knocked the air out of his lungs with ease. Hyunjin looked breathtaking under the shitty lighting in the bar without even trying. He had always looked beautiful to Jisung though. He brought his focus back to the music once Hyunjin brought the microphone up to his lips. He felt this nervous feeling building up in his stomach as Hyunjin began to sing, meeting his eyes as the first soft verse was uttered. He kept that eye contact for the remainder of the beautiful piece as well.

That was the first time Jisung had ever heard Hyunjin sing on stage and it was to one of the songs they had written. He clearly remembered that song because of the deep meaning it held. “My Answer” was the first song he dedicated to Hyunjin. It sounded so beautiful coming from Hyunjin’s lips that night, but it also struck a horrible pain in Jisung. He forced himself to watch as his love sang the words he dedicated to him while still locking eyes and he forced himself not to look away as a few tears began to build in the corners of his loves eyes when he sang the words “it’s you” for the last time. Jisung would not wish this pain on anyone, but he had sat there and made himself endure it anyways.

Just as the song ended, Hyunjin turned his back to the small crowd even as they cheered. He didn’t want to be seen wiping his tears on his shirt. He didn’t realize that behind him, Jisung was clapping for him as well, because when he turned around he had already stopped. With a practiced ease, Hyunjin forced the corners of his lips up into a painfully fake smile, though it was only painful to one person in that room. Only Jisung could see right through it.

As Hyunjin looked at the small crowd, he took a moment to think about the time Jisung had helped him write those meaningful lyrics back in high school, back years ago when those innocent feelings were starting to blossom between the two and the concept of love was becoming much more complex. He remembered all of the times they would stay after school in that stuffy music room to write song after song. It was more of Jisung writing lyrics while Hyunjin offered ideas for rhymes at random, but he still felt like he served as a great deal of help. Jisung always told him he helped a lot too, “just by being here,” he would say. Hyunjin knew that Jisung really meant he helped by giving him those stories and moments to write about, though he never told him. He also remembered all of the stupid fights they would have in there and how stubborn they could both be. Thinking about those moments made Hyunjin remember the smell of the music room. How it never seemed to be dusted and only let a little light peak through, which made the air feel thick and smell stale. It was like a second home to Hyunjin and Jisung during those years and they spent more time there than they had in a majority of their classes. He remembered the boxes piled up, never opened once in the four years they were at that school. He remembered little things like the way every single chair in that room seemed to squeak if you moved and the way Jisung would hold his guitar pick between his teeth as he sat back in those loud chairs waiting for new melodies to come to him. Suddenly, it became much too overwhelming for Hyunjin to look back on those days and he forced himself to think about Changbin instead. Changbin was there, he had Changbin in the present. Those memories he had with Jisung were no longer, and he didn’t even deserve them.

Hyunjin rushed off of the stage to hug his fiance, telling Changbin how much he loved him while he glanced one last time at Jisung. Nothing felt right anymore, but he was almost free of the pain that had been in his heart. He was slowly replacing the Jisung shaped hole in his heart with a black space. That black space could not mend his broken heart, but it could cover it and help him move on. Hyunjin would never get over Jisung, never in his life would he deserve to forget about him and truly feel happy again after what he did, but he could feel emptiness instead. He could lie and fake his way to at least feeling nothing. After all, Hyunjin believed feeling nothing was better than the guilt and regret; regret for losing the most amazing man that had ever been in his life.

Jisung turned away from the stage, knowing that it would be the last time he would see his love for a while if not forever. He whished he had been the one holding Hyunjin in his arms that night, but the reality was that Hyunjin had left him without a goodbye the first time, and he was about to do it again. That night, however, was much easier than the first. He briefly wondered why he had come before he left as well. It would have been so easy to just ignore the text just as it would have been easy to delete his number years ago, but he couldn’t. There was no hope in him left, but there was always that part of him longing for an explanation. Tonight wasn’t for Hyunjin, he had told himself. It was for him to say his goodbye. He might not have told Hyunjin this, but he knew in his heart that it could reach him.

As Hyunjin finally exited the bar with his fiance’s arm wrapped around his waist, Jisung over heard a woman asking someone, presumably a friend, who that singer was. He took that moment to really think about who Hwang Hyunjin was and what he meant to him. Describing Hwang Hyunjin was as difficult as starring up at the night sky and counting all of the stars in the galaxy. There were too many little details important enough for their own stories. All of the little habits and traits so peculiar to him that trying to hit every single one of them was impossible. You couldn’t simply list off a few things about Hwang Hyunjin beause there was always a catch. If you were to ask Jisung what he was like, he could only honestly reply with “who he is”. He was himself. Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t easily described with adjectives; however, Jisung could use feelings to describe him. To Jisung, Hwang Hyunjin was that sensation right before you feel as if you’re going to cry; where, instead of the soreness building up in your throat, you just feel hot all over. It starts in the face, evident with every breath you take that something is very wrong, but then the feeling quickly spreads to the tips of your fingers and makes your palms clammy. It’s not like a cordial fuzzy feeling. It’s not like a warm feeling of comfort but more of an uncomfortable sweating fear. Like someone has just told you horrible news but before you can even think about crying you feel the knotting in your stomach that can only be described as heartbreak. That was his Hwang Hyunjin. His everything.

“My answer is you, only you. You are my everything.”


End file.
